Forgiving Yourself: Why Every Step Counts
We’ve all made mistakes. Some small, some big, some that still make us cringe when we think about them. I know I have. I’ve made choices I regret — and I’ve also made choices I’m proud of.
But here’s what I’ve learned: every decision, good or bad, has shaped who I am today. And more often than not, even the worst moments have eventually pointed me toward something better.
The Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius once wrote:
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it — and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
That reminder applies to our past mistakes, too.
The past itself cannot harm us — only the way we keep judging ourselves for it.
Exactly Where You Need to Be
It’s easy to wish we could go back and “fix” the past. But honestly? I don’t think I would. Even when life was messy or painful, those experiences pushed me, taught me, or humbled me in ways I needed.
Epictetus said it well:
“Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will — then your life will flow well.”
We’re all exactly where we need to be. Not because it’s perfect, but because every step has led us here.
The Hardest Person to Forgive
The truth is, it’s often easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves. We replay our mistakes. We label ourselves by them. We carry guilt long after it stops serving us.
But holding on to shame keeps us stuck. Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean forgetting what happened — it means choosing to move forward anyway.
Seneca put it simply:
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
Self-forgiveness is that new beginning.
How to Practice Self-Forgiveness
Here are a few practices that help me:
Acknowledge the lesson. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, ask: What did this teach me?
Release the judgment. You are not your worst decision. You’re the sum of all your choices — good, bad, and in-between.
Talk to yourself like a friend. Would you tell a friend she’s worthless because of one mistake? No. Offer yourself the same compassion.
Keep choosing again. Every day is a new opportunity to make better choices. Or as Marcus Aurelius said: “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”
The Bottom Line
I don’t know that I would change anything in my past, even the painful parts. Because I’ve seen how they’ve led me here — to a stronger, wiser, and more forgiving version of myself.
So if you’re carrying guilt or regret, here’s your reminder: you don’t have to.
Forgive yourself. Learn from it. And keep going.
Because at the end of the day, the path to health, happiness, and peace always begins with grace — especially the grace you give yourself.
